Marriage or a wedding?
Sep. 19th, 2009 01:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
latestarterI am a member of a wedding forum where (mostly) women discuss all aspects of the process of getting married and planning weddings. Yesterday there was a thread that left me, and probably most other readers and posters utterly gobsmacked. I'm still not entirely sure if it was a troll or not, although I suspect not.
This female wrote a post wherein she stated that she and her man are “DYING!!!” to get married. They've been together for six or seven years, have a child, are heavily in debt and have no spare cash. She has decided she needs at least ten grand to have a decent bash. She spent the rest of the post complaining how meeeean the rest of her extended family were being in not offering to contribute financially to the cost of this extravaganza. She seemed outraged that an aunt had “only” offered to do the flowers when she was expecting her to pay for the reception. I was reminded strongly of Violet Elizabeth Bott threatening to “Thcweam, and thcweam and thcweam” until she got her way. And that dates me if nothing else does!
But this did get me thinking. Am I clear about what I want? Marriage or a wedding? And I think so. My Scots soul recoils in horror at the thought of spending ten grand on a single day. A wedding is a celebration of a marriage, not the whole point, and for me that means celebrating with the people who mean most to me. It doesn't mean with cousin x whom I've met once in forty years. A wedding should be fun, but it's not the most important part of the whole affair. It's what comes after that's important. The female I quote above, doesn't seem to realise this.
This female wrote a post wherein she stated that she and her man are “DYING!!!” to get married. They've been together for six or seven years, have a child, are heavily in debt and have no spare cash. She has decided she needs at least ten grand to have a decent bash. She spent the rest of the post complaining how meeeean the rest of her extended family were being in not offering to contribute financially to the cost of this extravaganza. She seemed outraged that an aunt had “only” offered to do the flowers when she was expecting her to pay for the reception. I was reminded strongly of Violet Elizabeth Bott threatening to “Thcweam, and thcweam and thcweam” until she got her way. And that dates me if nothing else does!
But this did get me thinking. Am I clear about what I want? Marriage or a wedding? And I think so. My Scots soul recoils in horror at the thought of spending ten grand on a single day. A wedding is a celebration of a marriage, not the whole point, and for me that means celebrating with the people who mean most to me. It doesn't mean with cousin x whom I've met once in forty years. A wedding should be fun, but it's not the most important part of the whole affair. It's what comes after that's important. The female I quote above, doesn't seem to realise this.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-09-19 04:17 pm (UTC)I've got friends who've worked in the business, for it is very much a business, of weddings. One does dresses and the other flowers. Their tales of are enough to make you wonder at the sanity of women. Most men are happy just to find love. Women have been fed this Cinderella dream of what "their day" is supposed to be like. If you aren't a princess with all the trappings on "your day," then you're a failure. (Or worse yet, your family has failed you, which is what this creature you mention appears to be thinking.)
Is it any wonder that so many marriages break up in the first year or so? How can the humdrum nature of real life, with its dirt and moods and endless conflicts, live up to the glamour that's been placed about weddings. Everything that has to do with a wedding is new, expensive and exciting. Quotidian life is drab. Clearly, something is wrong, even when everything is really quite fine.
And, because I'm on a roll here, why is it that so many women feel they're nothing unless they get married? I don't know about you, but I know a lot of women who rushed into marriage only to quietly regret it and eventually divorce. While single, all they could speak of was finding the perfect man, marrying him, and settling down, as if that could create paradise. Marriage is a lot of work, and work wasn't what those women signed on for. It was that odd concept that changing your Miss for a Mrs would make you...oh, I don't really quite know, but I guess respectable or maybe acceptable.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-09-19 08:14 pm (UTC)As for the wedding industry, there's a shop opened up the road that sells wedding stationary. I think it does other invitations, but it's mainly wedding stuff. I had a look at their catalogue, just out of curiosity. Having done so, I can say quite categorically that I will be designing my wedding invitations, placecards etc myself. Hell, I have photoshop, of course I can. I'd do the flowers myself as well if I was any good at arranging.
The thread I mentioned in my post, continues to be hilarious. The OP came back and complained about how cruel and meeean all the commenters were for giving her a reality check about paying for your own wedding yourself, at a level you can afford. Unbelievable.