Name Changing

[latestarter]

I have never seen the need for a woman to change her name on marriage. There is no law that says you have to, although some people assume there is. Indeed in Scotland, it's still a relatively new tradition. I've done a fair bit of family history research, and recall many baptismal records from the early nineteenth century which read something like John Smith, son of Robert Smith and his spouse Mary Stewart was baptised etc. You also see it on gravestones – Mary Stewart, beloved wife of Robert Smith. Civil Registration in the 1850s seems to have been the deciding factor in the change: government bureaucracies always like people being easy to keep track of.

My surname is very rare, and I rather like it, even though I continually have to spell it out to people and they inevitably get it wrong. It's part of who I am. I could hyphenate my name with his but I think that is silly unless both spouses do it and are comfortable doing it. There's also the issue of professional reputation, which is particularly relevant for someone my age.

I had all these arguments and others all lined up when I talked about the subject with Himself recently. He took the wind out my sails by not being bothered at all, which is nice, as a friend of mine said when she had tentatively broached the subject of not changing her name with her then fiancee, he had said she might as well hand the engagement ring back and they could cancel the wedding! I did think that was rather antediluvian. Such a relief to find that Himself, who is fairly conservative in many respects is actually pretty progressive in this regard.

Comments

[fromthisdayforth]

I use both. Officially, my name is still Myname, and I use that at work, etc, but people who know us as a couple call me Hisname; I make a point of answering to either. I have one bank account in each name (Hisname on the joint) to save having to send cheques back, and so far it's working nicely. We both have fairly unusual names, his slightly more so than mine, but I have three brothers, so it's unlikely that it will die out any time soon.

[latestarter]

My sister-in-law kept her name for professional reasons, but is otherwise known by Myname, but I would prefer not to even do that, although I suspect that is what will happen.

[loup_noir]

As you know, I kept my name. I will, if pressed, answer to Mrs. Hisname, but as there is already a Myfirstname Hisname married to a brother, that base is already covered in my way of thinking.

FWIW, I've run into many women who told me they wished they'd kept their names. One's financial identity sometimes gets lost here after a name change.

My guy never had any problems with me keeping myname. Had we opted to reproduce, I would have hyphenated.

[latestarter]

I find it so neanderthal when men get all outraged at the suggestion a woman keep her name, and often if you suggest they might change theirs, they get even worse!